Revenge of the Creep

Yes, it is another Christmas Tree, yet again before Thanksgiving.  Well, technically I am writing this at 12:15 AM, so yes it is Thanksgiving, but really it is really late Wednesday.  Either way, I haven't had turkey yet and haven't watched football, so it is not officially Christmas season yet.

This is part 4 of my 4 part series this year on my Christmas Creep.  It is clearly punishment.  This tree is at the residence where I am staying for a few nights in College Station.  I think it is mocking me.  It knows how I feel about early Christmas decorations.

The decorations are everywhere.  There is garland hanging around the living.  The table is decorated with a Christmas centerpiece.  There is no escape.  I vow not to let this stop me from writing again next year.  I will strike back with a vengeance.  

He did a nice job with the decorations, it is just too early.  I don't want to eat my Cajun fried turkey around a wreath.  I want it around the pine cones and leaves and weird hats with belt buckles on them.

Round 1 to the Creep.


*Taken with iPhone, 11/25

Stay Away from the Beyond!

This is a thingamobber.  Or a doohickey.

In reality, it is some sort of serving dish, I think.  I came across this at Bed, Bath, and Beyond a few weeks ago when doing a little last minute wedding shopping.  It was in the Beyond section.  If you can tell, and believe me, I know it is hard, it is supposed to resemble the sun or something like that.  Not sure.

The real question:  Who registers for this junk?  If you registered, please anonymously tell us below, as we need to know whose house to avoid so that we don't go blind. 

Now it is time for the eye popping moment.  This costs something like $150.  That is a new Blu-Ray player, which I guarantee will get a lot more use than this piece of crap.  By a lot more use, you will use it at least once, as I would be embarrassed to bring this out in public.  Ever.

Surely the designer was high, right?

97 Octane

Mmmmmmmmmm.   Admit it.  You read that with Homer's voice in your head.  If not, go back and read it.

This is the near complete of a Monster on Cayenne.  Steak, chicken, rice, black and refried, mix cheese, veggies, roasted garlic, lettuce, tomato, pic, salsa, guac, cilantro.  Damn fine meal.

This was taken after being told to take it for a TexAgs thread.  You see, they ran a daily drawing last year for a few months, and the winner was given a free burrito.  I did finally win, and decided to brag about my meal as I ate it.  Someone said to take a pic to prove it, so WA-LA!

I remember my first encounter like it was yesterday.  I was a sophomore in high school (10 years ago, dear God, allow me a minute to compose myself).  Ok.  So I was 16.  I was with my sister and her husband, up for final review.  We went to the location on Texas.  I didn't get much then, but as I became an expert it got bigger, up to today's standards.

Many visits since then, most of them to the original on University and the location in Clear Lake.  I have been to 11 locations in all now.  Not sure if that is a good thing or not.

The imitators are just that.  White rice does not belong on a burrito.  That is an Asian thing, which has no place in the burrito subculture.

It was delicious.


*Taken with HTC tilt, sometime in 2008

Ring of Fire

A bit mushy I know, but we were doing something one day and had the rings laying on the table so I set it up and took a shot.  I call it "Diamonds over gold in a meadow"

Ok so not really.  If I recall correctly I would burn myself later that evening with some fireworks.  Totally worth it.

Really this picture is just proof of my taking of random crap through the years.  Not saying this is crap, but you get the idea.  Maybe in a few years I will revisit, adding 3 new rings and creating my own version of the Olympics.  I'll pause so a few of you can get that one.


Ok, my Olympics would be more exciting though.  I am still lobbying for a Medley Ironman relay.  I don't know which country would compete well in that.  I obviously think we would, but as far as winning it, well, probably some snobby European country.

They gave us the plague.  Ring around the Rosie.


*Taken with Canon, 7/4/2008

It is now officially ridiculous

Part 3 of the n part series here.  I really wish I could say 3 of 3, but I know this isn't the case with Thanksgiving still a week away.  There will be more, I almost guarantee. 

This is a house next door to one of Nick's friends.  I first noticed the house about 2 weeks ago when I stopped by the friend's for a bit.   The friend's father, we will call him Dave, told me this occurs every year.  The family hires a professional to come out and put lights on, and it happens in early November every year.  The night I first observed the lights was apparently the first night they were actually turned on.

2 things.  First, I hate professional light displays in a neighborhood.  Part of the spirit is doing the lights yourself.  Second, why do you feel the need to then turn them on?  Dave said he doesn't even bother anymore, as there is no point.  Sadly, I agree.

Decorations like this have no character either.  Professionally done means your house will look like every other house on the street.  Somewhere, individuality dies a slow, but very bright death. 

Clark would be sad.


*Taken with iPhone, 11/16

Free Bear Hugs

Right now you are probably thinking "RUN AWAY"

That is one strategy.  Of course, if the bear out runs you, you are screwed.  Maybe don't do that one.  Unless of course, I don't like you.  Then please, try and out run the bear.

You could try and scare it away.  That works sometimes.  When it doesn't, well, sorry.

The only real answer is to fight the bear.  There are many ways to fight a bear.  The safest, most surefire way involves an automatic assault rifle.  I personally would not go into the woods without one.  If you find yourself without a gun, find a rock or something and try and bludgeon it to death before it rips your arm off.  Remember, weak spots are in the head, eyes, chest, and snout (nose for those of you not up to snuff). 

If you can quickly determine the bear is a male, then a swift kick to the nuts might work.  Of course if you are wrong, bye.  Also, the bear could catch your leg, and unless you plan on doing some serious karate, bye.

If all else fails, listen to Dwight.

There you have it.  I am glad we were able to have this little educational visit.  As always, I give out free bear hugs upon request.

*Taken with Sony,  6/22/2007

Take proper notes

It would seem that someone is frustrated with the conditions of our restroom at work.  I can not blame them, as they have a point about overloading the toilet.  It is amazing how much toilet paper ends up in some of these.  A lot of it comes from those that feel the need to place toilet paper around the entire seat, much like Mr. OCD from a few weeks ago.

The very bottom I think is a direct shot at Mr. OCD.  It is not readable here, but basically says that toilet paper will not protect you from germs or other things, and if you have any questions, please consult a chemist or your psychologist.  This was posted in both stalls, so I assume OCD saw this at some point today.

My coworker felt the need to add to it with a Poetry 101 lesson:  If you sprinkle when you tinkle be a sweetie wipe the seatie."  Also classic.  I am now accepting submissions via the comments of other classes we can include on using the toilet.  Perhaps an Ethics class on how to silently have explosive diarrhea, which really should be its own Olympic competition.

I must admit I was hesitant at first when informed of what was in the bathroom, but did go and check it out, quite worth it.

Now I just need to meet the mystery man and shake his hand, after we wash of course.

*Taken with iPhone, 11/17

Avum braw braw braw braw

Fag (n)
1. An extremely inconsiderate person, who is closely associated with Harley Davidsons.
2. A person who owns and frequently rides a Harley Davidson.

For those of you jumping up and down and calling me insensitive, this is a full on reference to a South Park episode that I think you should all become familiar with.  It is not available on SP Studios yet, but will be in a couple of weeks.  I am sure there are other places it can be found.  This is where it will eventually be.

The boys actually make a pretty solid point here, mostly about how the word has changed through the years.  Yes, I do know the history of how it came to be a gay slur.  But words have multiple meanings, even slurs, cuss words, etc.   An ass means many things right?

Anyway, they also have a point about Harley Riders.  I am not saying all of them are this way, but I have seen plenty that unnecessarily rev the engines as they ride through neighborhoods or pull out of parking lots.  Don't get me started on the guys that do extreme custom work.  Butters as a wanna-be rider was perfect, as it did sum up some of the Harley owners.

For those of you enthusiasts, or those that are bike-curious, no, I am not sure that all of those are Harley's, as frankly, I just don't care.

Honda's are better anyway.  Yeah, I went there.  So nuh.


*Taken with iPhone, 11/16

I give thanks for...

Welcome to Part 2 of my n part series on people who get way too festive, way too early.  I admit, this one isn't that easy to see, but the white SUV in the front of this line at the window has nicely decorated the luggage rack with Christmas Garland.

It seems that each ridiculous instance I see of the Creep gets worse than the previous.  I pulled into this particular Starbucks this morning, saw this in the line, and knew I needed to rush around the building and get a picture of it. 

As the person driving this car, what is possibly going through your mind when you say "Hey, let's go out and decorate the car for Christmas since it is already November 13."  This makes the hotel look mild.  That was a decision by some idiot at a higher position.  This is an idiot with a car in his driveway.  He mocks the hotel.

Please Starbucks, don't get rid of the pumpkin spice.  Or maybe do.  It will save me money.

Conference Call

Welcome to Merle's Conference Room, fit for a king with throne included.  This is the handicrapper stall in the men's room at the office trailer I was working in all week.  Not terrible, they kept it quite clean, decent TP, and even high grade disinfectant.

Sadly, I never met this Merle person.  I am sure he was there, and I am sure he was wearing plaid, but alas, did not meet him.  I imagine he has a decent sense of humor to leave that up though. 

Who of us hasn't used the bathroom for some sort of conference?  I have taken calls there, sent emails, played solitaire.  The office is really overrated at the end of the day.  I can do more multitasking from the throne room.

Thank you Merle, for allowing the rest of us to use your waste disposal facility.

Oh Thanksgiving Tree, Oh Thanksgiving Tree!

Oh the wonderful memories provided by The Thanksgiving Tree.  Reminds me of my younger years, sitting around, singing T-Give songs, unwrapping turkey stuffed with deliciousness.  Can you think of a better time?

Wait.  This doesn't sound right. 

Oh yeah.  We never had a Thanksgiving Tree, just a Christmas Tree.  Hmm.  Why on Earth would the Hampton Inn in Port Arthur where I am writing this have a tree up?  Last time I checked, today is November 11, 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving, much less Christmas.  Why are the Christmas decorations up? 

I understand stores putting their stuff on sale for decorations, and their initial displays.  But a hotel that is not yet selling these items should not have this stuff up.  Ridiculous.

This happens more and more every year.  Cities putting things on the lampposts, holiday commercials on tv.  I am willing to bet there is even a mall that already has Santa preying on little children.  The creep gets worse and worse.  As I write this an ad played in the background for Glade's holiday scent.  Starbucks has out their holiday flavors (Pumpkin Spice should be year round however for it's awesomeness).  IHOP this morning had holiday pancakes on their menus.  These aren't Thanksgiving flavors traditionally either, except for pumpkin.  This reminds me, I need a pumpkin milk shake from JITB.  Yes, I have a pumpkin problem, lay off. 

It is at least a nicely decorated tree.


*Taken with iPhone, 11/11

PS.  Happy Veterans Day, especially to Jon

Know Your Roots

This is me.  So no, I do not have freakishly long arms and did not in fact take this photo.  I did however ask Andrea to take this photo with my iPhone, so it is good enough for me.

This is me, playing my Sega Master System.

This is the Sega Master System, not mine, but an example.  As you can see in my picture, the TV I am playing on is quite large and in full color.  The TV my older brother and I originally played this on was neither of the 2.  We had a black and white, about 19" or so that had to have the necessary adapter installed just to be able to play the game.  Yes, we have come a long way.  Amazingly, I still remembered controls for the games I got working, and even the bonus maze game that you can access from the error screen that appears when there is no game present.  If any of my controllers had worked better that would have been great.  The system has literally been sitting in a garage collecting dust, to the point that it is covered in it.  Great fun.

During this same time we were also successful in hooking up and playing the Sega Genesis.  Such a classic system.  For the record, I didn't own a Nintendo until I purchased one from an older brother's friend, after we already had the Genesis.  Once I convinced some of the Genesis games to work, it was great.  I played Bill Walsh's College Football '95.  Technically the 2nd College Football game produced by EA, it was by far the forerunner to the current NCAA '10.  It was the first to have actual school logos, a decent number of formations, and customizable audibles.  Nothing like using Kordel Stewart to run the option.  I also played NHL '94, which is of course the greatest hockey game ever.  NBA Jam was also included.  Nothing like playing a basketball game in the mid 90's that didn't include Michael Jordan.

As I said, getting these games to work was not easy.  Fortunately, we have come a long way since the old method of blowing on it.  That's right.  I used compressed air.  Really changes the way you do it.  There was also a lot of banging, as these machines are certainly quite different than today's counterparts.  Let us pause for a moment to remember Sega CD.

You will also note in this picture the original Nintendo, as well as the classic 64, which was the last relevant system for serious team sports play produced by Nintendo.  Game Cube was behind on the times, and the Wii is great for things like golf, but just not a good way to play Madden.

2 buttons and a D-Pad.  What more do you need?


*Taken with iPhone, 11/7

King of This Whole Earth

I know you are looking at this picture thinking I am going to make some social commentary about illegal immigrants and this country.  You are right.  I have no problem with people willing to work, which these guys are.  My problem is those that expect handouts without finding a job, citizen or otherwise.  But this is not a forum for that. 

That said, look at this ingenuity.  If you can see, against each tree is is a couple of crates, one for sitting and the other for back support.  I am actually impressed as I do not think I would have thought of this myself.  

This photo was taken on the legendary Telephone Road, also known as State Highway 35.  Further toward the city is a string of bars where you can meet some very exotic ladies who will seem to be quite interested in what you have to say.  Thank you 13 Undercover with Wayne Dolcefino.  Although it could have been one of the other local stations, I just imagine Wayne doing this, as this is up his alley.

But Telephone itself was apparently the inspiration for an absolutely terrible song.  Not to knock the legendary Steve Earle, this song is awful.  It is about his brothers Jimmy and Jack, who left Louisiana for Houston and oil jobs.  In it apparently Jimmy has a honey down on Telephone Road.  Please see previous paragraph and suddenly it all makes sense.  Thank you Steve Earle.

I guess I should mention I really don't know much about Steve Earle, except that Roger Creager mentions him in Everclear, and we all know that when one country singer mentions another in song, they clearly must be some sort of badass.  For the record I only know a few Creager songs, mostly due to me having seen him in concert shortly after I started dating Andrea.  I enjoyed the concert, and enjoy some of his work, but yeah.

*Taken with Canon Powershot SD 750, 11/7

PS: Apparently there are multiple bad songs about Telephone Road, as Andrea has pointed out.  I will say the other one could double as a rap song if done properly.

Do you mind?

I realize people like to caption cats with stupid things that are spelled wrong.  None of that here.  This is/was Patches (I assume the cat is alive but don't really know, nor do I have a safe way of finding out).  Patches was an interesting cat.  Annoying at times, like all cats, but usually a decent enough animal.  At least it wasn't BSC like Mark's sister's cat.  That thing will attack you the moment you walk in the door.  Literally.  They keep brooms around to hit it away with.  God help you if you try and go to the bathroom, it will fly out of nowhere at you.

This is Patches though.  Patches had an annoying little habit of getting in your face while you sleep because he wanted attention.  Sometimes this can be cute.  However Patches also had a bit of a nasal discharge issue.  By little I mean if he snuggled his nose up to you, then you were getting wet.  I caught Patches this particular day at his finest, enjoying a nice cleaning.  I realize cats do this always, but they usually do it in a slightly more refined position that doesn't look like me trying to touch my toes while seated.  I'll spare you the visual.  For now.

We unfortunately lost Patches in a break up, which may someday be addressed but not today.  Patches, I hope you are alive out there and using somebody else to soak up your snot.

*Taken with Sony, November of '07

Obsessively Compulsive or Compulsively Obsessive?

2 pics this time!  Crazy isn't it?  If you couldn't tell, they are both of the same thing, just different angles, and neither shows it in all it's glory, but for fear of being noticed, you sometimes have to be discreet.

What you are viewing, inside the blue Ford Mustang GT, is a man asleep.  This wasn't an odd occurrence either.  This happens more often than not.  Step outside around lunch, head to the car, look in the Mustang and sure enough, he is asleep.  To stay cool he runs the engine the entire time.  In a Ford Mustang GT.  I think he could actually pay for a new Prius in just the gas money he would save.

Now then, let me tell you a bit about this guy.  He works in our building, on the 3rd floor.  This is very important.  I first came to notice this guy a few years ago.  My old boss and I were talking one day about him, and his unusual habits.  In the bathroom, he washes up to the elbows.  I by wash I mean soap and everything, up to the elbows.  A little odd, but ok.  This next part is rated PG-13.

 We have 2 stalls in our bathroom.  On many the occasion, I have been in a stall when he was also present.  Overtime, I have figured out his routine. 

1.  Enter the bathroom, wash hands
2.  Enter the stall, flush 3 or so times.
3.  Wipe the seat down extensively, flush again.
4.  Put down toilet paper on seat.
5.  Actually sit and take care of business
6.  Wipe- but not like a normal person.  Imagine you are sanding something smooth.  Think of that sound.  This is what it sounds like while he wipes.  I would like to say I am joking, but no.  This also takes several attempts before he is satisfied.
7.  Flush
8.  Flush again
9.  Flush a 3rd time to make sure there isn't possibly anything remaining.
10.  Excessively wash hands.
11.  Go back to office.  I should add that in order to go back to the office, he needs to get on the elevator, because all of this takes place in the 2nd floor bathroom.  That's right.  He comes downstairs to use the bathroom.  We only assume this is the case because he is petrified of his coworkers knowing about all of this.

When we first noticed him, we though he worked across the hall.  When that company left, we thought he was next door.  When they left, we thought he was with the company that had the rest of the office space.  Wrong again.  It wasn't until a few weeks ago that we boarded the elevator together that I knew he worked on the 3rd floor. 

About a year ago, a coworker noticed him sleeping in his car.  Obviously this still continues.  I can't say I have ever seen anyone this bad when it comes to OCD, but I know they exist and it is a serious disorder. 

*Taken with iPhone, 11/5

Drifting

From a distance, this sort of looks like the pelt of some animal.  Thank God they put up a label with an arrow to let me know that it is in fact driftwood.  To the uneducated, it seems like any other piece of wood, hanging on a wall next to the fireplace, which they likely use based on the tools.  My tv sits near the fireplace, which coincidentally is why we never use the fireplace.  That and we live in the southern part of TEXAS.  There are maybe 4 days a year when you could really warrant a fireplace.  There are 365 days a year I can really warrant a tv.

Anyway, this piece is a rare piece of driftwood.  5'5" long, a foot at its widest point.  Prime driftwood, total babe magnet, and the low price of $200.  I thought about changing the phone number to protect the innocent, but realized there is no way this guy is innocent of anything.  He uses the piece to lure women in, no doubt.  Total creep. 

So tell me, have any of you ever saw a piece of driftwood and thought "Man, that would look awesome near my mantle!"?  I doubt it, but use that nifty little comment section below and tell me I am wrong.  And if I am, this ad is still hanging in the mail-room, give the guy a call, maybe he'll slash the price.

Safety First...and things

 What you are looking at here is a guy driving along down Almeda-Genoa.  We are at a light and I decided to sneak a shot in.  It isn't easy to tell, but those are Bose headphones he is wearing.  Bose headphones are great, I have a pair, wear them on planes all the time.  They really do a great job blocking out the rest of the sound.  But I digress.

Anyway, this guy was driving along, Bose on, ROCKING OUT in his car.  Drumming with both hands on the steering wheel while driving is usually a bad idea.  Driving in Houston with noise canceling headphones on, probably at a loud level, seems like an even worse idea.  I can't hear the flight attendant talking to me with mine on, how is this guy going to hear things like trains, sirens, etc?

 Now, none of this was the point of my post.  The point of this post was to notice the headphones, and then the car.  You can't see the car well, but it is a POS, which greatly explains the listening to the headphones whilst driving.  I must beg the question, are the $300 headphones in fact worth more than the car?  I think so.  I  have heard of people putting stereos in that are worth more than the car they are driving, but headphones?

In other news, I read that Mr. Warren B. decided to be like many other old men and get into train collecting and sets.  Of course, most guys don't spend 11 figures on their collections.  Warren, you are the definition of Go Big or Go Home.  I hope for that kind of scratch the let you blow the whistle.

*Taken with iPhone 11/3

Even furniture needs a costume

Trick or treat!  It's a lawn chair.  I will now give you a minute to ponder that, then groan.  Groan again, you know you want to. 

Ok?  Not yet?  I understand.


Now then.  This was Saturday morning at a garage sale at the house in which I grew.  I was really hoping this chair wouldn't get sold, cause I was taking it to replace the POS we are currently using for our sitting purposes.  But no, somebody had the nerve to buy it in the afternoon, which in garage sale speak is that customer just before closing who comes in and makes the restaurant staff fire up the grill again.  And yeah, I could have bought it, but that would have been counterproductive to the nature of the garage SALE.  I did sell an old treadmill though, and maybe an Hi-Fi.  I had to leave around 11 to run some errands, and the little brother didn't know if it was sold.  I asked if he brought it in, he said he didn't know.  This thing is 3 ft tall and 4 ft wide, somehow he didn't know.  Gotta love 15 year olds. 

Anyway, I also sold a couple of movies, old tv, DVD player, etc.  Not bad.  Today I sold my old Nano, the original 2GB I bought the day it came out, mostly because I was in the market and happened to go into Best Buy that day to buy one.

But the lawn chair...not the most comfortable but it would have done the job.  Now to plan B and saving up to buy some proper chairs that aren't plastic base, as I have learned my lesson on those.  Let's just say it hurts on the way down.

*Taken with iPhone, 10/31